There’s an idleness that accompanies motherhood.
It requires complete surrender.
It’s unapologetic and demanding.
The longer you fight it, the harder it is to find the joy in all the amazing things that come with having a baby/toddler/child/teenager etc and being a mom.
Truthfully I wasn’t fully ready to let it win when Little E arrived and likely was a huge contributing factor to my postpartum depression.
I just couldn’t stay still. I didn’t want to stop.
And when I finally gave in, I began to learn how to navigate it. It took some time but once that occurred, magic started to happen.
Because Idle feels stuck. It’s stifling, It’s not creative, and it’s sometimes disgusting. In fact, its mind-numbing and boring, especially after you watched the same episode of Paw Patrol for the millionth time.
All you want to do is get moving, do something different, and get some traction, but instead it has to be put on hold. Maybe for a minute, a few days, years, when you’re in it, it feels like it will be forever.
It’s PMS, it’s irritability, it’s tender breasts, cramps, bloating, pre-period weight gain, cravings, and over sensitivity.
It’s the I want to rip my husbands face off because he didn’t take out the garbage….AGAIN!
But it doesn’t need to be this way. It doesn’t need to FEEL this way.
The Liver and the Wood Element can flow. These symptoms can be alleviated and the idleness can be reconciled.
In order to do that, We need to call this what it really is.
Yes, there are hormonal shifts and imbalances that are at play, but even those can be attributed to one not fulfilling or realizing their true desires.
So here it is, I love my kid, ferociously like a Mama Lion with her cub. But I’m not going to pretend that he is my whole world and that I want nothing else in this life. I do not abide by the “if he and everyone else is happy then I’m happy”.
It’s just not true, and I’ve worked with enough women in the last 10 years through their fertility, pregnancy and eventually their menopause to attest to the fact that I’m not alone in this.
We want more, and there is no reason to apologize for this fact.
The first step in letting the tension go is being true to it. Letting the guilt go of how you “SHOULD” be “happy” and “grateful” and any other words that are coming up for you.
Acknowledge your TRUTH in this very moment. “I want more”
Speak it. What do you want? You can’t create traction or action if you don’t know what you want or where you’re going.
Don’t know, then it’s time to create some time and space to figure it out. Go back to Water, the answer will come and when it finally does the Wood Element will run with it.
When you know what you want, make time for it. As a mother, you’re not going to have endless time to spend barreling through it with your head in the sand ignoring everything else until you’ve finished. It’s likely going to happen in starts and stops. That’s okay.
You are still going to have the feeling of idle come up, that’s just part of being present to the moment while raising tiny humans. Except, this time it will be less mind-numbing, and feel less stuck.
It will soften, the time will lengthen into a presence where you are consciously with your child, parenting and being who they need you to be in that moment.
And then there are those moments that you’ve set aside for yourself to pursue your other wants and desires. You don’t have to wait, you get to have both, you just need to be real about exactly how it’s all going to fit together in a way that supports you and where you currently find yourself right now in your role as a mother.
Articulate what you need and what you want, and be ferociously devoted to finding your own happy.
Navigating your dreams and desires alongside motherhood get’s easier as you start to believe that you’re worth it. Tweet This
Everybody benefits. EVERYBODY!
Photo credit: Main image @stefanmakwana, insert @agapestudios