This past week has been truly incredible. Nothing huge happened, it was my birthday but aside from that fact it wasn’t extravagant by any means. Except, overall in contrast to a year ago the feeling of it all is drastically different.
Last year on my birthday I spent most of the day crying by myself in bed. I was miserable. I got some beautiful messages from friends and family and E sang one of the cutest versions of happy birthday but those moments just weren’t enough to pull me out of my funk.
On the surface everything looked great, but the truth was,
I felt distance in my marriage, though I knew I loved Sheldon deeply, I was kind of one foot in.
I was awaiting test results to find out if I had MS, (I don’t and for that I’m so thankful)
I was grieving the fact that we wouldn’t have another child and that truth felt like it was going to break me.
I was dissatisfied with my work, I just didn’t feel like I was making the impact that I wanted to with my clients. (Late spring early summer is when I tend to feel burnt out)
There was more, but you get the point, all around it was just a crappy day.
All I could think was, I just can’t do another year where it feels like this. I just can’t.
So the very next day I began the process in getting clear, in putting the pieces together of my life and what actually ended up becoming the Embodied Alchemy Method (coming soon) and from that,
I spoke up and asked for what I needed in my Relationship. I jumped two feet in and haven’t looked back.
Coincidentally, doing this also freed me up to the idea that I didn’t need to be sick to gain the attention and level of intimacy that I desired. I didn’t care what my test results said. For someone that wanted to be have something wrong with her for most of her life this was a big one.
It also put the wheels in motion for me to begin the process of reversing my Hashimoto’s (a current reality that I have embarked on now) I don’t need this label either, I provide updates when I’m further along.
I whole-heartedly gave up the dream of having another baby. It took another few months past this point to fully have closure to that grief but I know it was the right decision for me and for us as a family.
And I started to invite the possibility that I could do my job differently. That I could bring in my love of the Elements in to my fertility work, that I could hold a deeper reverence for the art of Acupuncture, that I could potentially be a little more woo-woo with my clients and still know all of the science too.
That I could potentially take my work outside of the walls of the my clinic and serve more people. Enter the Embodied Alchemy Sessions released this week Click here for more info, and more opportunities and programs are coming soon.
I feel like I’m living an entirely different life.
A life that I can be proud of, one that I don’t feel like I have to hide or keep to myself. A life on purpose led by my own design. Sure it’s not perfect, it’s not supposed to be, but it’s genuine, it’s full of love, it’s full of inspiration and a whole lot of joy.
I FEEL WHOLE.
In some way’s I can’t believe all of that happened within the span of a year and on the other I’m so glad that it didn’t have to take any longer.
So now I leave the invitation to you, you don’t have to wait for a big moment like a birthday or anniversary to get real with yourself. You can do it today. Pour yourself a cup of tea, take a few breaths and feel into what your heart is trying for you to hear? What does it want, what needs attention or to change? Where do you need to speak up or take a stand for?
I would love to hear about what comes thru in the comments below.