Having Clarity and Letting Go of Guilt

Originally Posted Oct 27, 2016

The doors to The Embodied Alchemy Method are opening up in less than a week, I’m crazy excited as this has been 3 years in the making and as we approach the date to it’s release I felt it best to give you a taste of some of the exercises and work that you would be doing in the program.

Within the Embodied Alchemy Method, you are initiated into the process of allowing the spark of your desires take form.

Naturally some come thru for us quite easily. Booking a trip, buying the car, deciding to go to a retreat.

And then there are desires that require some reorganization and intention to allow for them to come thru. They feel big. Big enough that you know there’s a choice at hand. Either you turn your back on it because it might require too much of you, more that you can give at this moment, or you go for it even though you have no way of knowing where it’s leading you.

And if you decide to go for it, the next question is, are you putting in the necessary effort or time into it to see results?

When we’re at a crossroads like this, the easiest way to decide what to do happens when we get a close up look at our current roles and relationships.

When I’ve done this exercise with my clients in the past, things start to make sense and fall into place, and it has a profound impact on their lives. So as a little sneak peek into the kind of work that we would be doing in the Embodied Alchemy Method, lets do this one together.

And with that here’s the truth. If you are wanting to open yourself up to something new in your life. You have to make room for it.

So let’s do this,

1). Write down all of the roles and relationships that you play or have in your current life.Mother, Daughter, Wife, Coach, Business Owner, Teacher, Employee, Athlete, Friend, Sister etc. Add every title or role that you put energy into or identify with.

Now let’s not forget about your desire. If you haven’t added it already do that as well.

An Example: If you are creating space for something and another role in your life such as, becoming a mother, opening yourself up to being in a relationship wanting to become an artist or business owner, if there is something that you would like to cultivate pertaining to your desire be sure to add that to the list, even if its not your current reality.

2). Now I invite you to number them. 1 being most important and then onward to the least.3). Next I would like to invite you to rewrite them in order of most importance. Except I want you to leave the Number 1 spot empty. So whatever you made number one its now number 2 and so on.

4). After you're finished I would like you to write yourself in the spot for number one. You and your relationship to your self is the most important.. We are putting you back into this equation. And I would imagine because every time I’ve done this exercise, YOU didn’t even make the list.

5). So now that you’ve done this I would like you to write a line separating the top 4 from the rest.

The reason why, is we want to clearly see which are the 4 most important roles and relationships in your life. The rest, while wonderful, at this moment in time don’t matter to you as much.

I read a recent article written for entrepreneurs that said work, sleep, family, fitness, or friends. Pick 3. Because you can’t have our attention on all of these areas at one time at 100%. It sounded a little harsh, but deep down I think the statement has a lot of truth to it.

The demands on us for each area of our life is daunting and we need to be aware of where our priorities align. It doesn’t mean that they will stay like this forever, and they will shift in matters of importance when required but we have to get a little real when we’re wanting to create some traction in our lives, and where we can cut ourselves some slack.

So with our Roles: The ones that don’t make the cut, the ones that are below the line may play a place in your life. But the very acknowledging of this importance allows you to place priority on any thing that is currently happening.

Every action and motivation that you do must serve at least one of the 4 in your top list of roles & priorities.If it doesn’t, you don’t do it!

It’s may feel a little cold, but the reason why it’s such a hard line is because we don’t multitask as well as we think we do, and we just can’t bother with every single role that we play. Theres a trickle down effect that will keep the other roles going as you serve and keep focused intention on what’s most important.

We need to provide ourselves with clear boundaries as to what is worth our time and what is not.

If work was number 10 on your list, it doesn’t mean you're not going to work, but it may mean that theres a permission for you to figure out a strategy to leave it at the office so that when your home your focus and attention on the roles and relationships that are in your top 4 more easily.

Same goes for talking to your mother, or spending every 3rd Wednesday with your girlfriends. These things can all still happen, we are just getting clear on how much these roles need to impact your daily decisions.

When we have clarity we allow can compartmentalize the roles and focus our attention for particular areas of our life so that we can see them for what they are. Enacting that rigidity and structure of Metal to help us do this.

For me, I know that my relationship to myself, my husband, my son E are my top 3. They are probably unshakable and then my number 4 at this time, is my role and relationship to me being an entrepreneur. My work right now takes the 4th spot.

That’s just how it is right now. In time this one may shift to something else but honouring this part of me has opened up a world of possibility and given me the freedom to turn things down. Travel (I made a no travel clause for 2016. I broke it once for an Acupuncture conference and though tempted turned down other opportunities), same goes for attending events, trainings, lunches, and even coffee dates.

It’s not that I don’t want to do those things but right now as it stands, me, my family comes first and then the energy and focus required to get my work out in the world. We only have so many hours in the day and I’ve come to realize the times in the day when I’m most effective to do the different parts of this work and I use them to my advantage, and then I’ve gotten better at turning it off when its time for myself, my son and our family.

What else has happened as a result of this clarity, I don’t feel as guilty, I don’t stew about letting someone down, when I probably didn’t any ways, I can leave particular things alone because it doesn’t serve my larger roles. It’s been freeing and helps put my people pleasing, over-worry, over-thinking patterns in their place with a sense of calm.

And in case you were wondering, this doesn't make me a crappy friend.  Usually I check in with myself and know when I need connection and sisterhood and I honour it.  I also make sure that I am present and focused when I'm connecting.

In the comment’s I would love to hear if you did this exercise and what it revealed about where you’re spending your time and where your desires fit. Is it a number 3 or 4 and yet being given the energy of being 10th and letting your number 15 run the show? I want to know. How does knowing this information change your perspective on what comes next?

XO Ashley