Are You Quitting Before You Even Start
Originally posted Jul 2 2015
Okay, this is the time to be completely honest with yourself. When you are looking to make a change, whether it’s trying a new treatment to work with your health or your fertility, or changing your diet, wanting to lose 10 lbs, working out, creating time for self-care, what ever is currently on your mind at this given moment.
Are you giving it a fair shot? Or Are you dipping your toe in expecting the world and when it’s not reflected back to you, you QUIT?
There’s no judgement if you are, I think most of us are doing this.
You try a juice cleanse, suffer through it and don’t lose a pound on the first day so you quit. You start a routine of movement into your schedule but you’re caught up in comparison with the other women in the class so you don’t go back. OR, one I see ALL OF THE TIME, you start working with a health practitioner to help heal your mind/body/soul or all of them and you go two to three times and are frustrated that you’re not cured. So you stop going and you’re on to the next thing.
So whats the deal, why are we compelled to quit before we even get started?
We can easily and without diving any deeper blame it on our fast-food society of quick fixes and instant gratification but in reality we all know deep down true change requires time, so why can’t we allow for it.
Here are my thoughts on this matter. Change is uncomfortable PERIOD! We are hard wired to avoid uncomfortable, change is associated with risk and as I’ve said before our primal survival equates risk with being eaten by a lion.
The minute our brain has been signalled that risk is involved our fight or flight instinct has kicked in and you are in instant fear mode. The mind shuts off, and you are no longer thinking about what happens if you stick with it for 10 days or 3 months. Your instinct doesn’t care. It only cares about right now. And right now it’s uncomfortable, it’s scared shitless and it wants you to go back into the cave and be happy with what you already have.
So, mid-way through that cardio circuit you’re already thinking about the safety of your couch, at 3:00pm on day one of your (diet/cleanse/healthy-eating) a cookie sounds Fucking awesome and when your Acupuncturist has given you a direction that may be 2 steps out of your comfort zone you have already decided you’re not going back.
This Fear based decision is then backed by our lovely Ego that wants to control everything and it will give you one-million and one reasons why this was the best decision of your life and why you don’t need anything or anyone to help you out of what ever problem you’re experiencing. The tricky thing about Ego and Fear is they can easily disguise themselves as wisdom and clarity when really they are just a broken record of repetitive sentences that don’t get you anywhere.
Does this sound a little too true for you? I know it’s true for me, I can stew in this stuff for months at a time and then come out of the fog only to find myself exactly where I was or even further behind.
So, what if you took the FEAR Element into the equation when you decided to start something new? Care-taking this response so that you can expect it and manage your fear rather than allowing it to run the show.
I’ve put together a few suggestions that I have found helpful for me when taking Fear along for the ride.
Create Time and Space Centred Around Change:
In order to make changes that will stick you must dedicate time to it and most importantly time to let it integrate. Mediation, Journalling and Ritual, Gabby Bernstein speaks often about this process, Paraphrasing her words, “you will forever white-knuckle change if you haven’t made space for God.” God can be replaced with whatever word feels right to you, but the truth of the matter is, the change will only be surface level and will not stick unless you also allow for a backbone that is much bigger than you.
*Footnote to this, be real with yourself, completely overhauling your diet while in the middle of a huge deadline that requires all of your attention may not be the best time to do this. Create a time table, look at your calendar, Find or Make time that you can dedicate to your new process.
Dialogue with Your Fear:
You are the adult in this situation. Fear often embodies a part of ourselves that is stuck in the past. Your three, nine, seventeen year old self, that is trying to get your attention. This new change feels like something from the past, a place where she got hurt and she is going to jump up and down screaming that you should stop what you’re doing. Talk to her, show her that you are the adult and you know that this change will be good for the both of you. Tell her that you will take care of yourself and her during this time and thank her for speaking up. She could be holding the missing link to why your efforts haven’t worked in the past.
And my all time favourite,
Shake:
When a person experiences extreme shock or fear they will begin to shake. This is the bodies instinctual way of dispelling the situation or experience out of the body in order to protect the organs such as the adrenals and kidneys. One can shake as a practice to access the fear that they have internalized in their lifetime to dispel and release their attachments in both the mental and physical realms.
When these instincts kick up, welcome them and then move them. When we move them greater resolve and clarity will come through, perhaps an even better way to attain your goal will come through. If you want more tips on how to work with your fear take the quiz, reveal your element and then also check out the Water Element healing habits in the Free report. (Water’s primal emotion is Fear)
You can’t see your whole reflection unless you put both feet in the water and are willing to take a look at what’s there.
It might be uncomfortable, but it also might be worth it!
XO Ashley