The Other Side Of Goal Setting
Originally Posted January 8, 2015
Do you have big ambitions for 2015?
When you were putting your list together, did you take some time to look back?
Often, we’re so busy looking ahead we forget to look behind and see what and where we came from.
When we’re immersed in the process of goal setting, especially at this time of the year a lot of us are trying to make a fresh start and we only want to look ahead at whats going to be different.
And with that, comes an unsatisfactory feeling of the lesser that were trying to pull ourselves out from. Whether it’s being overweight, overworked, distracted, lazy, being bad or what ever you want to fill in the blank with.
Regardless of what it is you want to change the present more than likely has some negative connotation to it.
Now, I’m all for making positive changes and I’m all about liberating the mind and our patterns to evolve and live a better life.
But, pursing lasting change doesn’t occur at the expense of cutting out and devaluing the events of the past. We can’t undo it, and we can’t forget it or pretend that it didn’t happen.
If you’re bursting at the seams to make a shift I congratulate you in being ready to take that first step, but before you do or while you’re doing it, don’t forget to finish off the cycle of the past.
In Chinese medicine, we use the 5 elements to relate to people and to life and as we set a new intention and bring it forth as more than just an idea but real action, we find ourselves in what we call a very metal place.
The Metal element is truly a beautiful place to be, though we often skip over it, and that’s because it can bring up some intense feelings and memories of the past. It has several layers that can be utilized as a powerful tool for goal setting, and if you’re really serious about your new shifts its time you spend a little time here.
So grab your journal (a very metal exercise) and let’s settle in to finishing off the cycle, say goodbye and dive into Metal
Metal Step 1: Clarify Your Purpose
Write your intention, goal or action that you want to start doing in 2015.
Then ask yourself why, what do you gain from changing your diet, going to the gym, establishing a morning routine or spending less time on Facebook.
How does its purpose serve you?
Hopefully you already have lots of answers coming to you, and if that’s the case that’s awesome because this is the easy part of this exercise.
If the purpose isn’t coming to you, then perhaps the change you want to make isn’t the real one you desire. Reflect and evaluate whether you’re choosing something because you think you should or it’s someones else vision for you. Find yours and what is right for you it’s the only way to lasting change
Metal Step 2: Acknowledge and Attach Feelings
The patterns of the past supported you, you got something from them or you wouldn’t be where your at or still doing them.
Connect to the Feeling you are getting from your current pattern that you’re wanting to swap and find it in the new one.
Here is where the alchemy occurs, we’re melting down the Metal out of its current shape and old and turning it into something that is what you desire, want or have a better use for.
Here are some examples: An emotional attachment to food helped you feel busy, grounded, cozy. Checking Facebook all day at your desktop and phone allowed you to feel connected.
Fill in the blanks My Old Pattern of ______________ made me feel ___________________.
Now, its probably safe to say that you will be looking to feel those same feelings in the future. So its best to know that now and find them in your new patterns and actions.
Will going to the gym after work make you feel as Free as your 3PM piece of chocolate? Yes, PERFECT! No, If it’s not the gym then what will something more intimate like a Barre Class or is there something else in your day that can still make you feel Free?
I want to Feel _________________ when I'm Doing ____________________.
If we don’t look at aligning the feelings then more than likely we find ourselves back on your couch in a few weeks and wishing we weren’t shelling out 100 bucks a month on that membership you never use and if your anything like me you’re eating twice as much chocolate.
Alright now our feelings are aligned. Now its time to grieve.
Metal Step 3: Saying Goodbye to the Past
Yep you read that right, we have to actually take some time to grieve what were giving up. One of the most undervalued aspects of the Metal Element is to honour that it represents the dying process. When it comes to goal setting me must honour the dying or falling away of the old to make room for the new.
It may sound ridiculous, but you might have to have a little cry about giving up your time on the couch or cheeseburgers. What ever is on your list of change give it some attention.
When I was giving up gluten, I took a moment, actually it was an entire journal entry to say goodbye to these crappy glazed croissants at the Safeway bakery.
Embarrassing yes, but I love them they’re like sugary crack for me, and I’m sad that I can’t eat them anymore, and I know its in my best interest to not figure out how to make them in a gluten free version. So, nothing is too small, I encourage to get really specific and really real about this. I implore you to not skip this step.
And finally,
Metal Step 4: Gratitude
Every event, choice and decision has lead you to this very moment and it is a gift. It served you in some way or another. Even the terrible stuff, it made you who you are. To disregard the journey and your path is a disservice to you and your soul. Give yourself a hug and say thank you.
You can repeat this exercise as many times as you need to along the way, notice when it gets tough. Rather than barrel through with all the will that you can muster to keep going drop back and take some time to reflect and let go of it all again. Any aspect of life that is falling away is hard and its not always done in one moment. Allow the transition to take the time it needs, it may just be the way to authentically walk into the new.
XO
Ashley