Should's... Medicine? or Just a Guilt Trip?
Originally Posted Oct 28, 2018
I should do this, I should, I should, I should
Its funny when you write it out a few times it doesn’t even look like a real word.
How many should’s do you tell yourself in a day? Not only that, how many times do you allow that word to hold power over you infused with guilt and the belief that you’re not enough…
Because, Should.
Lets reframe it, because lately I’ve found my should's to be the most fascinating and potent medicine that I can access in this moment.
In changing my perception of what my should’s mean I have found it to offer me awareness to 2 possible options for me to consider.
One, I’m not being supported. For me, a lot of should's show up in the places where my personal and professional growth is occurring. When I’m looking to leap into something new or uncomfortable, my should’s often reveal where I need support to help me get there.
When this happens, I find it best to break down the thing that is overwhelming me and being left to last, smaller steps, perhaps an easier point of entry, sometimes I need other people to be brought into the conversation to help me or at the very least see me.
Two, My plate is already too full. If I am "should"ing myself and feeling bad about all of the things that are being left untended, I am already doing too many things. Theres no way I can possibly fit anymore in and I need to evaluate my priorities and my values and how they are being represented in my daily tasks both at home and my work to either clear some space to add or allow it to remain in the ethers for a little longer.
Identifying and bringing awareness to my should’s whether it be I should be eating more veggies, drinking more water, moving my body more, sharing on social media and writing these letters to you in a more scheduled predictable way. Noticing what is coming to my mind I can then choose what I’m going to do about it. I can ask for help, I can put the water bottle out on my table in the morning so that I see it and fill it creating better point of entry access to accomplishing the easy ones that I know I can do.
And then I can come back to being fully grounded in my current experience, doing the work that I am be asked to do. Holding true to my priorities and values, and the steady step that I am currently bringing into action, I know that when I see a should show up, instead of feeling guilty about not doing something, I can recognize it as a step not meant for this moment. Its a not now, and allowing myself permission to let it be has been incredibly freeing.
As of late, I have been immersed in writing my book. For real, I’m almost half way through the first crappy draft, and when I look up from it, I’m met with these initiations of other things that I think I should also be doing. But the truth of the matter is they aren’t really ready for me to jump into at this moment.
I am fully standing in the steady step that was presented to me, the book has to be written. I don’t know who’s going to read it but that isn’t even relevant at that time. It just has to be done, no other offerings, or directions that I wish to bring forward have the foundation to get started until this one is done.
So instead of allowing the should’s to make me feel guilty or worse get distracted, I write them down, store them in a box and I plan to open them up once this step that I’m on is completed. When that time comes, and only then will I contemplate which should leads me to my next step.
With the engagement of the metal element in providing simplification and recognition of whats most important, I invite you to spend some time with your “Should’s” and allow them to provide you with much direction and healing to what is relevant and needed in this moment.
XO Ashley