Where To Start When You Don’t Know What You Want

Originally Posted Mar 10, 2016

It hasn’t been a secret that I lost a sense of who I was when I became a mother.

I can’t imagine a life without Little E in it.  (okay for a slight moment when I picture sleeping in and getting up when my body is ready, and meeting friends for dinner whenever I felt like it, and the travel…)  but in reality those are small things in comparison to the joy that Little E has brought to me.

He changed me, and not only because of the reasons that I listed above, but more in subtle yet profound ways like the fact that my DNA has been slightly altered, one small detail of that is that my once stick straight hair now has a bit of wave to it thanks to Sheldon.  With enough pregnancies, some women’s eye colour changes.   Crazy Right?!

In fact, a woman's brain is rewired and altered with hormonal changes such as the onset of puberty, pregnancy, and menopause.  We become different women in comparison to who we were before and for a lot of women, the effects of that leave us feeling a little lost.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I felt lost for two and a half years since Little E’s arrival.

That’s a long time when you don’t know your purpose, direction, hearts wanting….

Over time it gets one feeling a little desperate.

I changed my mind a million times during this phase, I didn’t know if I wanted to have my practice anymore, I almost gave it up completely, I thought I wanted to do online coaching for fertility when really my heart wasn’t in it, I beat myself up for wanting to be at home with Little E all of the time and next to none in the next breath.

The back and forth was exhausting and really those are only a few of the things that went through my brain at any given moment.

I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted and with each passing minute that this fact remained I felt like a failure.

Perhaps your experience of this isn’t as dramatic or dire but if it is I totally get it, and I can confidently say, it won’t last forever.  It just might require a little inquiry and above all else…

Patience.

In a previous blog when we were in the phase of the Metal Element, I shared with you the importance of creating sacred space.  I alluded to the fact that Water required this space, it needs as much time and space as you can afford to give it.

It’s not necessarily an enjoyable space to be all of the time.  It can’t all be scented candles and goddess cards, the feelings that come up can stir up a lot of fear and welcoming that fear into the deepest and darkest places of yourself isn’t always easy.

The descent into water while uncomfortable is a requirement when you’re looking to uncover what’s been buried and forgotten.  But it’s so worth it as within Water, within the stillness and reflection we rediscover our alignment, our integrity, our purpose our Hearts Desire.

So where do you start?  How do you make this surrender to the not knowing a little more safe?  Safe enough for you to even consider residing in this space for more than a second.

The answer is Ritual.

Creating a container for Water, doesn’t need to be a full time job.  You still get to experience the energetics of Wood, Fire, Earth etc. but it is important to allow for a little time each day to contemplate this lower energy.

And we use the structure and artistry of Metal to get us there.

My suggestion is either a morning or evening Ritual, bonus points for doing both, but start with one if your new to this.

And the beauty of this is it gets to look and feel however you want it to.  It can be long or short all that matters is that you create the container through Metal to provide the space for Water to flow.

Here’s mine as an example to get you thinking about what's right for you.

My Morning Routine.

I have a long and short version of this depending on the day of the week, if I have clients first thing or it’s a day with Little E. It goes without saying, it’s way shorter when he's home with me)

(This is my long version)

Wake up taking a few breaths to fill my day with gratitudeGet ready, and adorn myself.Drink warm water with Lemon while Little E eats breakfast.Drop off Little E for the dayMake breakfast and sit with no electronicsPull a Card,Dance My Yoga as Prayer (Qoya Movement Ritual)Sit in Silence for 10 minutes.Journal and Write.

Evening Routine

Light a candleBrush my hairDry Brush my skinShowerMoisturizesometimes i have amazing insights while in the shower so I go and write them down and journal for a little while)- The undeniable power of WaterAffirmations and GratitudeSleep

Originally this routine was much smaller and it’s grown to fit what I currently need.  I’m not married to everything that’s here and when the time feels right to change it up I will.  What’s most important is that I do this with devotion, for myself. EVERY DAY.  Over the last year and a half since starting this it’s changed my life.

It’s helped me redefine my alignment and create the space for me to hear my heart speak.

The structure provides me the freedom to listen.  The yoga as prayer, the journalling, the meditation are all opportunities for Water to reveal answers, ideas, sparks from my hearts yearning.

In the beginning, I sat there with nothing, CRICKETS! and then eventually my ability to listen, to cut through my other chatter grew and I could hear what I needed to hear.

Through my devotion and my willingness to ritualize my time in this way I have begun to put the pieces together to rediscover myself. Me as who I am now.  My directions to where I’m going, as a woman, a mother, a wife, an entrepreneur, all of them being honoured at the same time.

If you’re thinking doing something like this isn't possible with your schedule/lifestyle/stresses I encourage you to just pick one thing to do as a bookmark to either the start or end of your day.  It might just be taking an extra few minutes to enjoy your coffee in the morning.

Try it, you have nothing to lose and everything, EVERYTHING to gain

Do this for a week and notice what other changes occur as you commit to doing one small action that resides in Metal to make room for Water and your aligned purpose.

In the comments I would love to hear about your rituals and how you make time to hear your hearts call.

XO Ashley